Painting to Resolve Trauma
Turning a trigger into a triumph
In my 20+ years of painting, I have completed a few works that I consider pivotal. They either reveal a technical or stylistic evolution in my work; or they portray a defining moment or revelation.
One such work is a self-portrait, The Mask is Behind Me, which I completed in early 2020. It is part of the series of works on the theme of healing from trauma. (At the time, I didn’t know it would be a series.)
Before I enter my studio, I always check in on my state of mind. I need to be clear and calm before my brush touches the canvas. I choose to not paint when I’m upset or stressed or distracted, because I know it will drive the colour and aspect of the painting in subtle but permanent ways. I prefer to be positive and present; I prefer that my paintings reveal this.
My psyche, however, had a different idea.
One evening, after attending a life-drawing session, I was on the bus home and had a severe anxiety attack
I find it difficult to accurately talk about what happened, because my thoughts were fixed on the thought of “I just have to make it home.” My heart was pounding and I felt like violent sobbing was about to overwhelm me. I felt panicked and fearful. It was difficult to breathe. Thankfully, I was only a…
